We’ve all heard of CBT, but how about relational therapy?
As a therapist working relationally with all sorts of issues I am really passionate about the relational approach, but I often find that clients aren't sure what to expect. The very nature of relational therapy makes it hard to define and quantify and I think for that reason it goes under the radar a little bit.
The outcomes of relational therapy can be profound and enduring and in this blog article I’d like to try to demystify it if I can, explaining the benefits for those who are new to counselling, or those who could benefit from trying a different therapeutic approach.
To try and describe it really succinctly: relational therapy acknowledges that relationships in our past or the present are often the foundations of emotional difficulty. The flip side of this is that meaningful relationships are the catalyst for healing. By ‘relationships’ I don’t just mean how we connect with our family members or partners– but how we relate in a much wider sense: how we interact with the world around us, and how we are impacted by it.
As a relational counsellor I will take the time to understand what I would call your ‘frame of reference’: your life experiences, support systems, expectations, motivations and fears. Working collaboratively together we can identify how your past has impacted on the present; noticing patterns in how you relate to others and looking at where unmet needs might be, identify themes, raising questions and testing theories.
Over time, by giving you my respect and empathy, and a quality of listening which may perhaps be completely new, I hope to engender the trust and confidence that will enable you to open up – exploring aspects of yourself that had perhaps existed outset of awareness before.
The beauty of relational therapy is that there is a dual-process going on. While we consider your relationships outside of the counselling room, we also use what’s going on in the room between us to impact the therapy itself. know that it might sound strange to talk about ‘the relationship between us’ but I find that the way we relate to one another in during therapy holds up a mirror to the way you relate in the world outside, and can lead to new levels of awareness. By noticing and acknowledging what’s going on in the present we can learn so much more about who you really are and what impacts on you.
So is relational counselling only effective for those experiencing relationship problems? The answer is a hard ‘no’! Although many of my clients do bring family, workplace or relationship issues into therapy; working in relationship has proved time and time again to be effective for helping with all sorts of issues from bereavement to illness to any kind of loss, as well as depression, anxiety and self-esteem.
A wise man once said ‘it is the relationship that heals’, and I believe that the process of building a relationship in the therapy room is part of the healing process itself. It can provide a new lens through which to see the world along with the conditions you need to heal.
If you are curious about relational counselling and would like to give it a try please get in touch.